I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
