Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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