I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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