He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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