I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
