i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
