I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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