the condom got lost in my hair
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
