you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
