mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
