i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
