I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
