why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
