so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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