she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
