he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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