Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
