I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
