So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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