oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
