she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
