Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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