omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
