doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You have to summon your inner elephant
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
