my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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