its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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