so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
