Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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