I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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