Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
