u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Come share oat with me in your robe
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
