i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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