you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
