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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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