i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
where does the pee come out of this thing
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
