found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
