having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
