It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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