do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
