Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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