i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
