More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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