I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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