Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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