I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
