it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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