On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Someone shattered a urinal.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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