trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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