I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
