Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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